Ciel: The Teenage Years
by GoesKaboom
Summary: Collection of six humorous one-shots. Even when you have a demon under your command, growing up can be hell. Now complete.
1. Age 13: Zits

Ciel: The Teenage Years

**Disclaimer: _Kuroshitsuji_ belongs to Yana Toboso, but that should have been obvious as she is infintely more talented than me.**

**Note: This is a collection of one-shots in chronological order, but they are not connected in any way other than that. You can read any one of the chapters and it will make sense. **

Age 13: Zits

Summary: Ciel learns that even he is not immune to the bane of the existence of adolescents everywhere- the acne pimple.

It started out like any other morning. Sebastian opened the curtains and gently woke a groggy Ciel from his sleep before going to fetch breakfast. Ciel yawned. If he remembered correctly, he had several business meetings before a mathematics lesson. So if you asked him, it was going to be a very mundane day.

At least, that was his mindset as Ciel stood up and slowly made his way toward the corner of the room where he kept a basin of water, a cloth, and a mirror for washing his face.

Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary as Ciel performed his morning ritual. He grabbed the bar of soap and cleaned his face before splashing it clean. He momentarily glanced in the mirror as he was drying his face, and what he saw made him scream.

"SEBAAAAASTIAN!" His shout was so loud that it not only brought the demon butler running, but the rest of the staff as well.

"Young master, what is it?" Sebastian asked, just a hint of alarm in his voice. He was about to add something, when Bard charged into the room, flame-thrower in hand. Maylene and Finny weren't far behind, ready to protect their young master.

"What's going on?" Finny asked. Maylene stood by, pushing her glasses up her nose.

"What is _THIS?"_ Ciel shouted, pointing to a red, inflamed spot on his nose. "What is it?" Sebastian stepped closer and peered at the red dot.

"I think that Young Master has a pimple," the demon explained. "Apparently they are quite common on teenagers." Ciel glared.

"But how do I get rid of it?" he asked.

"You could always just pop it," Bard suggested. "That's what I always did." Maylene looked ready to smack him.

"Young Master, you _can't_ pop pimples!" she exclaimed. "You will cause scars if you do that! You should use witch hazel to clear it up, and I have a solution of alum and ale that I apply every night before bed to prevent them. And you'll need to stop using regular soap on your face. We shall have to get you some face soap."

"Maylene's right," Finny agreed. "You shouldn't pop them."

"But what am I supposed to _do_ about it?" Ciel protested. "I can't meet with business contacts with this on my face!" Maylene looked thoughtfor for a moment, then said-

"I think you and I are similar in complextion. You could wear some of my cosmetics to hide it." Everyone could see Ciel physically recoil.

"No!" he exclaimed. "That won't be necessary."

"Well then," Sebastian said cooly. "I will dress you so you can go about your day. We can't have a simple thing like the onset of adolescence throw us off schedule. You will be meeting with Mr. Bartholomew in forty-five minutes, so you'd best hurry. Today for your breakfast I have prepared an omelet with mushrooms and a pot of Lady Grey tea." Ciel glared. That stupid demon didn't understand how much of a problem this was. He couldn't conduct business when he had pimples! The thing Ciel prided himself on the most was showing how equal he was to all of the people he did business with. But now he was experiencing things typical of normal teenagers! Ciel was far from normal, and he liked to make sure eeveryone knew that. As much as he hated the suggestion, he inclined his head towards Maylene.

"Fine. I'll use your cosmetics." Maylene ran off to fetch them, and Sebastian turned to Bard and Finny.

"Don't you have work to do?" he asked. The cook and gardener backed out of the room, leaving Ciel and Sebastian alone together.

"Young Master, you showed remarkable... maturity just now," the demon said. Ciel's scowl deepened.

"I knew you wouldn't have canceled the meetings," he groused. "If I have to go out like this, I might as well try to hide it." Sebastian nodded.

"A very mature viewpoint," he said, causing Ciel to roll his eyes. What was with Sebastian and this sudden emphasis on maturity?

– - -

Half an hour later, Ciel was standing in front of his mirror, peering at Maylene's make-up hob. He detested the feeling of the cosmetics, but, for all their problems, they did do a satisfactory job of covering up the blemish.

"Remember, don't touch it," Maylene warned. "You'll cause the powder to come off."

Even though she had warned him, Ciel still found it very difficult to leave his face alone. The cosmetics felt strange, and it was instinctive to touch it.

"Earl, are you alright?" one of the people Ciel was meeting with asked. "You keep touching your chin..." Guiltily, Ciel lowered his hand.

"Young Master had an unfortunate accident this morning," interrupted Sebastian. "He fell and hit his chin on the bed-post. I'm sure it's quite uncomfortable for him." The man seemed to accept the explanation, but Ciel glared at his butler. That explanation was almost worse than admitting he had a pimple! Sebastian just smirked- Ciel should have known by now to make his instructions more explicitly clear, otherwise Sebastian was liable to say the first excuse he could think of, or an excuse that he found entertaining.

After the day's work had been done, Ciel took a bath and got ready for bed. Irritatingly, the pimple had not gotten smaller over the day, and in fact, almost seemed more noticeable than it had in the morning. Poor Ciel sighed. He supposed that he was just going to have to deal with it until it went away. But that just wasn't his style. Maybe if he popped it, it wouldn't scar. Yeah, that was it. All he'd have to worry about was covering up a small mark where the pimple had been. It would just... take... a moment...

"Young master!" a voice called out. Ciel wheeled around, coming face-to-face with a rather worried Sebastian. "What do you think you're doing? You'll scar your face."

"Shut up," Ciel said. "You're not the one with the acne problem."

"I would hardly call one pimple an 'acne problem,'" Sebastian replied dryly. Ciel just scowled.

"Fine. If you know a better way, then I order you to get rid of it!" he nearly shouted. Sebastian sighed.

"Yes, my lord." He removed his glove, and gently poked the offending blocked pore. Ciel felt a small tingle, and then Sebastian pulled away. Ciel looked in the mirror, then promptly got angry.

"If you could do that, then why didn't you do it earlier?" Sebastian tried to look innocent.

"Whatever do you mean?" he asked.

"You could have gotten rid of the pimple this morning!" Ciel yelled. "I didn't have to go around all day in Maylene's make-up!" Sebastian just laughed.

"You didn't order me to do anything about it." Ciel growled, and threw a towel at the demon.

"Next time, just get rid of the zit!"

End

Author's Comments:

This whole project started from a very stupid conversation. I was stressed out over tests, and my beta-reader was suggesting funny things that would cheer me up and be easy to write. He suggested Ciel with zits. Once I wrote this, I got ideas for other teenage!Ciel stories. I didn't want to spam people with oneshots, so I decided to collect all of them in one "anthology", if that makes any sense whatsoever. There are four more one-shots, ranging in age from 13 (this one) to 17 (the last one). One thing my beta-reader suggested was to try to make these stories all-ages, so that's what I did. Chapters will range in rating from K to K+.

Anyway, thank you for reading!

-Kaboom


	2. Age 14: Matters of the Heart

Age 14: Matters of the Heart

Only a few days after his fourteenth birthday, something strange seemed to have taken ahold of Ciel. He would only poke at his meals. He would drape himself across the furniture and heave heavy sighs. He would stare listlessly off into space. And even though he completed his duties, his mind seemed to be elsewhere. And it was starting to worry his demon butler.

At first, Sebastian attributed his young master's strange behavior to a typical teenage mood. He would snap out of it in a day or two. But when the strange behavior continued, Sebastian began to worry. He knew Ciel was somewhat more psychologically vulnerable than most people- what if something had happened that triggered his post-traumatic stress? So the demon made up his mind to investigate. He spent several days debating whether to just come out and ask Ciel straight-up, or if he should do some sneaky detective work.

But, he didn't have to reach a decision. A few days later, Ciel folded the newspaper he was reading, set it down, and turned to face his butler. "Sebastian, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Sebastian replied, surprised. Ciel hadn't initiated a conversation with anyone in days. The teenager fidgeted somewhat in his seat before looking away, embarrassed.

"Well..." he began. "It's kind of... personal."

"Young Master, I will answer whatever it is you desire to know honestly," Sebastian responded.

"Sebastian, have you ever had a lover? And not just a person you were with once or twice- someone you actually had a relationship with? Like maybe a demon woman?" Ciel asked.

"Uh," Sebastian so eloquently replied, caught off-guard. It wasn't as though he had never been with another demon. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He had a 600-year relationship with a demoness now known as Mildred (she took that name when she contracted with a young businessman). Part of the reason he was so surprised was that he had managed to forget all about that, and Mildred was still incredibly teed off that he had ended the relationship. He wouldn't be surprised if by the time he returned to Hell, his house was no longer standing. His ex was not known for her good nature, and being a demon woman, had some rather... unique ways of dealing with anger. But how was he supposed to explain all of that to an emotionally delicate fourteen-year-old?

"So? Did you?" Ciel asked, his eyes wide. Sebastian sighed. He might as well be honest about it.

"Yes, I have," the demon butler replied. "I was with her for 600 years, and as far as relationships between demons go, I would have thought that we got along relatively well until the end." There. He said it. Now maybe the boy would drop the subject. Of course, Ciel did no such thing.

"Why did it end?" the teen-aged earl asked. "If you got along so well, why did you two leave each other?"

"That is personal business," Sebastian replied stiffly. "I do not feel comfortable discussing the intimate details of my relationships with you, young master. Besides, it would be quite discourteous to speak of such things without the lady's permission. However, I will tell you that it had to do with things that were expected of the two of us, and some irreconcilable differences on some very important issues."

"Fine. You don't have to tell me what happened between the two of you," Ciel sniffed. "But if you were with her for 600 years I can guess that you _liked_ her." He put specific emphasis on the word 'liked', which made the demon mentally chuckle. Ah, the terms used by the young...

"I suppose that would be one of putting it," Sebastian replied, struggling to keep his amusement out of his voice. "Yes, I did _like_ her at one point."

"How did you know?" Ciel burst out. "How do you know you like a girl?" A slow smile spread itself across Sebastian's face.

"Is that what this is about, young master? Is there a girl you think you're in love with?" Ciel blushed and looked at the floor, causing Sebastian's grin to grow even wider. "I'm right, aren't I? So what are you thinking? What goes through your mind when you see her?"

"W-well," Ciel stammered, looking as though he could pass for a tomato; his face was that red. "Whenever she walks by me, my heart starts to beat faster. I can't stop thinking about how pretty she is, and how nice she is. She can be a little ditzy, but I can overlook that since I think... I think I love her!" He finished this extraordinary pronouncement by burying his face in his hands. Sebastian, once again, had to stifle the urge to laugh. His young master was just so adorably naïve.

"Young master, it sounds to me like you have a little crush," he said. "Don't worry, it's perfectly normal for a young man of your age to find that they harbor feelings for a girl they know. All I ask is that you use discrestion. It would not do for someone of your status to make a fool out of himself by behaving irrationally. Besides, indiscretion in these matters could backfire on you regarding Lady Elizabeth."

"Not only that, it would make it difficult for her to do her work," Ciel muttered darkly. Something in that sentence made the demon freeze. It couldn't be... could it?

"Young master... if it is not too forward of me, may I ask who the young woman in question is?" Ciel cleared his throat.

"...mlene..." he mumbled.

"Pardon?"

"It's Maylene, OK?" Ciel muttered mutinously, irritated and ashamed that he actually said it aloud. "Although I fail to see how it is any of your concern." Sebastian sighed. This certainly made things awkward.

"...Maylene?" he asked.

"Yes, Maylene. And it would be wise for you to keep your mouth shut." Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"Have you made any plans to tell her how you feel?" he asked.

"Of course not!" Ciel exclaimed, flushing furiously. "I planned to watch her from afar. It would be best for us to keep our relationship professional. Besides, what would she see in someone like me?"

"You can't call yourself a man if you don't admit to the girl you love that you love her!" Sebastian retorted. "Are you sure you're willing to sit back and watch someone else get to her first? Maylene is of marriageable age, you know. It would not be surprising if a man her age came and stole her right out from under your nose." Sebastian knew he was playing on Ciel's weaknesses. The boy was already hyper-sensitive about his age (and he couldn't blame him- being a powerful businessman/crime fighter at the age of fourteen couldn't be the easiest job in the world). But he intended to turn this into a teachable moment, to show Ciel that he could not always find everything he wanted; that a woman might reject him. He wanted to make sure that Ciel would be able to be a functional, if not happy, adult. He thought that by preying on his young master's fears, maybe he could goad the young man into action. And he wasn't wrong.

"You... you honestly think someone would take Maylene away?" Ciel stammered.

"Oh, I _know_ that someone wouldn't mind marrying Maylene," Sebastian poked, trying to get Ciel riled up. "She's quite pretty, and even though she is clumsy that's part of her charm."

"I won't let that happen," Ciel muttered. Sebastian expected him to go off on a tangent about how he was Ciel Phantomhive, and nobody crossed him, and he would never hand the woman he loved over to some scumbag, but he jumped out of the chair he had been occupying. "She won't leave after I speak to her! You're right, Sebastian. What kind of man would I be if I couldn't even confess my feelings?" He charged out of the door, in search of his maid, Sebastian following him.

"Young master-" Sebastian called out. He hadn't expected Ciel to go off right away... he expected that he would have to give his young master lessons in confessing feelings to a member of the fairer sex... Ciel might be brilliant in a lot of ways, but the boy was hopeless when it came to women. He wasn't so sure that this was a good idea now- what should he do? What did he unleash on the unsuspecting Maylene?

"Where is she?" Ciel mumbled to himself, wandering around his mansion, looking for his maid. "The house isn't so big that I shouldn't be able to find her," he thought before colliding with something.

"Oof!" a female voice cried out. "Huh? Young master?" Ciel gained his bearings, then looked about.

"Maylene!" he exclaimed as soon as he realized who he had crashed into. "I'm so glad I found you! There's something I need to tell you!"

"T-there... there is?" the maid stammered, terrified that she would be dismissed. What had she messed up this time? Little did she know that the exact opposite was true. Ciel's heart pounded in his chest. It was now or never, and he didn't want what he imagined to be a lovely future together with Maylene to never happen because he ruined this one moment.

"Maylene, I, uh, well... I..." here, the usually eloquent Ciel Phantomhive was struggling to string a sentence together. "Uh, this is really hard to say, but... but..."

"I'm sorry, young master!" Maylene exclaimed. "I'm very sorry! I should have been watching where I was going! I didn't mean to bump into you! Please don't sack me." Ciel blinked.

"What?"

"You're not going to fire me?" Maylene asked incredulously.

"Why would I fire you?" Ciel asked, equally incredulously. "Why would I fire the woman I love?" This time, it was Maylene's turn to be shocked.

"WHAT?!" she exclaimed. Ciel dropped to his knees.

"I love you, Maylene," he said seriously. "I love you so much that I'm willing to take you as my wife."

"Ciel," the maid breathed. Ciel's heart jumped. Was she really going to answer his proposal (with the preferred answer, of course)? "Are you feeling alright? Do you have a fever?" Ciel's heart sank, his hopes deflating like a popped balloon.

"No, I'm perfectly fine," he said, trying and failing to hide his disappointment. "And I am being completely serious." Maylene just stared. "Maylene, I'm sure you know that I am the Earl of Phantomhive. I can provide you with the most comfortable lifestyle in Britain!"

"W-what about L-Lady Elizabeth?" Maylene managed to stammer out.

"I can break off the engagement," Ciel replied. "If we show her how much in love we are, I'm sure she will understand." Maylene raised an eyebrow. Her employer was serious, wasn't he.

"Young master," she said politely. "While I am flattered by your feelings, it is not possible for us to be married. For one thing, you are only fourteen-"

"That doesn't matter!" Ciel interrupted. "If you want to wait, we can wait until I am older!" Maylene shook her head.

"I'm very sorry, young master, but I can't marry you. I- I'm already engaged."

"WHAT?!" Ciel yelled. "Who is he? Who is he? _WHO IS HE!?" _Maylene hung her head.

"Bard," she finally replied after a pause. "We're to be married in the summer."

"Oh..." Ciel felt his shoulders slump. "I-I see. Well then, I'm very... I'm very happy for you." He slouched off down the hallway, leaving a very shell-shocked Maylene behind.

A few minutes later, Sebastian accosted the teenager. "Don't even say anything," Ciel muttered. "This is all your fault, you know. None of this would have happened if you hadn't told me all of that!"

"You have my word that I had no idea about Maylene and Bard and their upcoming wedding," Sebastian replied. "And I wasn't coming here to 'say anything'. I was simply thinking that you might want some tea and cake."

"Is it sweet tea?" the teenager asked.

"If you wish it to be," the demon answered smoothly. Ciel nodded.

"Go get it then. And then explain this love stuff to me." Truly, there was nothing like tea and cake to soothe a broken heart.

End


	3. Age 15: Sleeping Patterns

Age 15: Sleeping Patterns

Certainly the last thing Sebastian Michaelis expected when he contracted with the boy was to have to deal with the trials and tribulations of teenage life. Ciel, after all, was far from being a typical boy. So, Sebastian thought that he would be free from the typical obnoxious behavior common to both human and demon adolescents. In fact, he was _certain_ of it. And it was a good thing he was- a hot-headed hormonal teenager with demonic power backing him was a recipe for trouble. But, oh how very wrong the demon was.

It was a beautiful spring morning, and Sebastian had gone upstairs to wake his now fifteen-year-old master... now nearly an hour ago. Impatiently tapping his foot, the demon checked his watch before opening the door in a bit of irritation.

"Young master, it is time for you to wake up. We have a very busy day ahead of us! You're supposed to meet with Lord Lindop to discuss business matters in half an hour! Get up!"

"Idunwanna," Ciel slurred back, pulling a pillow over his head.

"Do you really think this is negotiable?" Sebastian asked incredulously. "Lord Lindop is leaving for Scotland tomorrow and won't be back for a month! This is the only day convenient for him to meet with you, and it is incredibly important that the two of you discuss the acquisition of that small company, if you're going to split the cost and profits!" All that he got in return was an annoyed "mrrrgh" from beneath the mount of pillows. Sebastian sighed. "Really, young master, your behavior is quite childish."

"Iduncare."

"Young master," Sebastian said, trying his hardest to keep his voice even. "We do not have time for this. Get out of bed this _minute!" _Sebastian's words caught Ciel's attention this time. The teenager threw off the mound of pillows and blankets covering him and sat bolt upright.

"I don't think you are in a position to be giving me orders, Sebastian," he intoned, icicles practically dripping from every word. Sebastian just chuckled.

"Who says I'm ordering you to do anything?" he asked. "I'm just telling you what is necessary to be done. Unless you would like to greet Lord Lindop in your pajamas..." Ciel responded by spitting a very nasty curse phrase at the demon. "Charming," Sebastian replied. "Utterly charming. Young master, such language is quite unbecoming of a nobleman."

"Sebastian," Ciel said suddenly. "I order you to leave me alone and let me get more sleep! Tell Lord Lindop that I will meet with him at his earliest convenience." Sebastian felt the contract seal on his hand twitch uncomfortably. He grimaced. If this kept up, he suspected that he had about forty-five seconds before it became unbearable. Forty-five seconds to get Ciel to take back his order.

"I don't think that is wise," Sebastian replied carefully. "If word gets out, the Phantomhive family could lose its reputation."

"Then tell him I contracted influenza or fell down the stairs or something!" Ciel exclaimed. "Really, Sebastian, it shouldn't be that difficult." Sebastian arched an eyebrow.

"You do realize that it is quite rare for a person to contract influenza in May, right?" Ciel rolled his eyes.

"Just tell him _something_. Now leave me alone. I was awake until 3:00 this morning! Let me go back to sleep!" Sebastian paused, his hand on the door.

"What were you doing awake at 3:00 AM?" he asked incredulously. "I put you to bed at 10:00!" Ciel looked surly.

"10:00 Is too early a bed-time," he said. "I'm becoming an adult! I don't need a child's bed-time! Now LEAVE!" Sebastian nodded and left the room. He waited until he was sure he was out of earshot of his young master before he began to mutter to himself.

"Honestly," Sebastian quietly groused. "Who stays up until 3:00 in the morning merely because they think that their bed-time is childish? And what is with that attitude of his? I know I'm his servant, but honestly! I almost just want to eat-" he cut himself off as soon as he realized he was not alone.

"Is the young master still in bed?" Bard asked. "What a lazy kid." Sebastian sighed.

"Lazy is right. He's even refusing to meet with Lord Lindop because he wants to stay in bed. I have been ordered to tell our guest that the young master is ill." Bard nodded knowingly.

"Try giving him coffee," he suggested. "Coffee always wakes me up."

"The young master has made it very clear to me how much he dislikes coffee," Sebastian replied dryly. "I don't think an offer of coffee will motivate him."

"Hmmm..." Bard mused. "Have you tried alarm clocks?"

"What do you mean?" The demons interest was piqued- alarm clocks? He had not thought of alarm clocks before, but he doubted they would work any better. Ciel was likely to just roll over, switch it off, and go back to sleep. And unlike the butler, an alarm would not return to wake him up. The cook smiled mysteriously.

"Once, I read in a newspaper about a way to get stubborn teenagers out of bed. You take multiple alarm clocks and hide them around the room, set to go off at the same time/ The teenager will have to get out of bed to shut them all off. They did something similar when I was in the army, although they used watches that sounded like time-bombs." Sebastian grinned.

"Thank you, Bard, I will try that," he said, making a mental note to go buy some clocks as soon as he rescheduled the appointment with the guest.

"Oh!" Bard suddenly exclaimed. "Make sure he doesn't know you've placed them or he'll try to find him. And don't let him know this was my idea. I'd like to keep my job." Sebastian assured the cook that his secret was safe, and he quickly hurried off to go meet Lord Lindop and tell him the news that Ciel was "sick".

* * *

Ciel did not get out of bed until nearly 1:00. By that time. Sebastian had already rescheduled the meeting, bought eight different alarm clocks, dusted the library, and made lunch. As he served his young master a meal of roast chicken and potato soup, he went over the schedule for the day.

"After lunch you have a mathematics lesson with Mr. Byrne. Once you are done with the lesson, you will have time in which you will review the records for the company."

"Very well," Ciel sighed, sipping his soup delicately. Inwardly, Sebastian smirked. That gave him the perfect amount of time to set up tomorrow's wake-up call.

* * *

That night, Sebastian allowed Ciel to stay up until 11:00. "You're right," he had said. "Now that you're fifteen you do not need to have a child's bed-time. You may stay up until 11:00. If you can prove yourself mature enough to handle this extension of freedom, you may stay up later in the future." That caught Ciel off-guard. Surprised, he looked up from the book he was reading.

"How unlike you, Sebastian," he replied. "Letting me stay up past my bed-time..." Sebastian just smiled enigmatically.

"Young master is becoming an adult. You should be able to handle everything that comes with adulthood, including the bed-time."

"Well, it's nice to see someone has paid attention for once!" Ciel exclaimed. "It's about time I was given an acceptable bed-time!"

That night, Sebastian lurked around the house, waiting anxiously for the loud shrieks of the alarm clocks, and the loud shrieks of Ciel's surprise that would accompany said shrieks of the alarm clocks. Oh, he was sure to catch hell for his stunt once his young master had regained control of his senses, but it would be worth it, after what the insufferable teenager had put him through. Smiling slightly, the demon allowed himself to indulge in a rare catnap. As sleep was not necessary for the demon's continued survival, he rarely allowed himself the luxury. But tonight was special. Tonight he was teaching his master a lesson he would never forget: you don't shirk your duties when you're contracted to a demon!

The alarms went off as planned at 8:30 the next morning. Sebastian made sure to position himself in the hallway outside of Ciel's bedroom. "dusting the blinds" on the large windows there. And then, it happened.

First came the alarms- the loud screeching was enough to drive a saint to rage. Then came the thud- Ciel must have fallen out of bed. For a few minutes, ever-more vile cureses mixed with the loud shrieks of the clocks as Ciel struggled to locate the loud alarms. Finally, the last one was switched off. Then, silence. Sebastian braced himself- it would be coming any minute now...

"SEBASTIAN! GET IN HERE!" The demon struggled to suppress a laugh. Baiting teenagers was great fun. But, he supposed it was time for him to face the music...

"Yes, my lord?"

End

Author's Comments:

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I personally like this one the best out of the oneshots I've written for this collection so far. Well, there is one I like better, but it will be released as a stand-alone oneshot because it's a bit too mature for this collection (these are rated K to K+... the other one involves underage drinking so I thought I should probably bump the rating).

The idea for this one actually came when I was really very sleepy. I thought about how much I hated alarm clocks, and things kind of went from there...

-Kaboom


	4. Age 16: I Feel Angsty Today

Age 16: I Feel Angsty Today

Now that Ciel was sixteen, his behavior seemed to have gotten stranger than usual. His servants knew that he favored dark clothing, but lately, he dressed in head-to-toe plain back with the exception of a pilled and faded orange house-coat. He kept himself cooped up in his room when he wasn't attending to business matters, and when he did emerge, he did so as though he was under duress. He kept muttering to himself about doom and despair and it was even freaking out his butler. Even more disturbing to Sebastian was the fact that he was nearly 100% sure that his young master was wearing eyeliner.

He was dusting the sitting-room one day when Maylene hurried to his side, clutching a piece of paper. "Sebastian, may I speak to you for a moment?"

"What is it?" the demon asked, checking his watch. He did not want to get too far off schedule, especially since it was always a struggle to get Ciel to cooperate lately. Maylene looked around, as if to verify that they would not be overheard.

"Well... it's about the young master," she said. "I don't know if you've noticed or not, but he's been kind of weird lately."

"I am aware of the changes in young master's behavior," Sebastian replied, somewhat impatiently.

"Well, I didn't think anything of it before now," Maylene began. "After all, teenagers can be strange; it's in their nature. But I found this." She held out the piece of paper that she had been clutching. "Would you read it?" Sebastian took the paper, scanned it, and then began to read aloud:

"_The world is black_

_ I crawl into the dank corners of my dank room. _

_ Everything is dark._

_ I'm in despair. _

_ Oh look, plum pudding. _

_ By Ciel Phantomhive, 19 August._"

"Uh..." Sebastian was struggling to find those words that would accurately describe... whatever it was that he had just read. "That's... that's quite a poem."

"Do you think he should see a doctor?" Maylene asked worriedly. "Maybe he's sick and this is one of the symptoms?"

"I don't think so," Sebastian replied. "I think he's just trying his hand at poetry. It's probably just a phase he's going through. Often teenagers think that they could be the next Shakespeare or Michelangelo and try to outdo their predecessors. Unfortunately, they rarely succeed. I will have a talk with him, don't worry. I've been meaning to for a while anyway... a nobleman can do as he pleases, but if he's going to meet with business contacts he really shouldn't be wearing eyeliner and that house-coat."

"You noticed that too?" Maylene asked. "I didn't want to say anything."

"I think we all noticed it," Sebastian sighed. "Don't worry, I'll figure out what the problem is."

Or so he said, but a week passed before Sebastian could even think about confronting Ciel. The pipes leading to the guest bathtub had broken, creating a disgusting mess that took several days to rectify. After that, Ciel had caught a cold, and Sebastian was so busy caring for him that he completely forgot about the poem."

But a short while later, he was walking around the grounds, double-checking that Finny hadn't destroyed the whole yard when something caught his eye. A scrap of paper was caught in a rose-bush. Thinking that a bit of refuse had somehow managed to escape from the burnable garbage pile, he picked it up to discard it. But hust as he was about to toss it aside, he recognized Ciel's spidery handwriting. Curious, he read it.

"_Kill the lights _

_ Because I'm with you. _

_ I hate you, but I love you. _

_ Come take my hand. _

_ And we will go off into the gray darkness. _

_ By Ciel Phantomhive, 26 August._" Sebastian wrinkled his nose. "He really is no Shakespeare," he muttered to himself. And then, his blood froze. Oh no... this almost sounded like a love poem, or at least what would probably pass for a love poem in Ciel's mind. Not again... the last time Ciel had a crush it ended in disaster for both parties involved, and the unlucky young woman had nearly quit her job from the humiliation. Sebastian had to do some serious damage control... Both Ciel and Maylene had been humiliated and depressed for quite a while afterward.

"I guess I can't put this off anymore," Sebastian muttered to himself.

So that evening he knocked on Ciel's bedroom door, carrying a plate of French Silk pie. "Young master? Would you like some dessert?"

"Hrrrmm..." came Ciel's grunt. Taking it as an invitation, Sebastian opened the door. Ciel was decked out in his usual attire as of late- black pants, black shirt, worn out orange house-coat, and black eyeliner. He was lounging on his bed, glaring at the ceiling.

"I brought you some pie," Sebastian reiterated, setting the plate on the nightstand next to Ciel. The teenager glared at the dessert.

"I hate pie," he groused. "I hate everything in this miserable place! I hate everything!"

"Well," Sebastian replied, struggling to keep the amusement out of his voice. "That's good to know. You're doing me a huge favor by hating everything." The demon had an idea of how to end this phase that Ciel was stuck in. The teenaged earl looked bewildered.

"I am?" he asked.

"Yes," Sebastian responded, struggling to keep from laughing. "By hating everything in the world you're only making your soul grow darker and darker. You're just making it tastier for me. All you need now is a tortured romance and your soul will be oh so succulent... I can hardly wait!" he cackled, licking his lips for good measure. Ciel scrambled backwards.

"W-what are you talking about?" he stammered. Sebastian just smirked.

"Well, you see, your soul was already prefectly black when I found you," he explained. "But the more you hate things like pie, pie that has never done anything to you- it adds a delicious spiciness to the soul. And if you manage to get involved in a tragic romance, bonus flavor is added. Thank you very much, young master! I didn't know you cared so much. And if you hate everything, you won't mind if I eat you... right... now..." Ciel shuddered. That was just... wrong.

"A-are you serious?" Sebastian's smirk grew even more pronounced.

"Maybe, maybe not. Oh, and by the way, I like your eyeliner."

"Wait a minute." Ciel suddenly had an idea. "Sebastian, I order you to tell me the truth! Is any of what you just said true?" Sebastian grimaced. Crud. He hadn't thought of that before- Ciel could order him around. But maybe if he heard the truth he would change his bizarre behavior. So, the demon decided not to fight the order this time.

"The truth? You want the truth?" Sebastian asked, stalling for time. Hey, if he was going to tell the truth, he might as well make it dramatic, right? "The truth is that no, typical teenage angst does nothing to the taste of your soul, despite all those songs and stories about how much us demons and other creatures of the darkness like to eat the souls of tormented, angsty teenagers. I wasn't lying about the tragic romance part, but it would need to be along the lines of Romeo and Juliet for it to make any impact on a soul already as dark as , and you look ridiculous in eyeliner."

"You're horrible!" Ciel sniffed. "You took advantage of my emotional state!"

"Ciel," Sebastian said carefully. Ciel stopped whining- if Sebastian didn't call him "young master" it meant that the demon meant business. "Wearing eyeliner isn't a mark of emotional delicacy. Now, given your past, I would completely understand if you were to be upset about something that actually mattered. But pie? Getting extremely depressed over pie just doesn't make any sense."

"What do you know?" Ciel sulked. "You were probably born twenty-five years old! What do you know about being a teenager?" Sebastian looked affronted.

"Even though I was born in 3200 BCE," the demon began, "just like humans, baby demons spend their first 200 years in an immature state, maturing a similar way until we reach young adulthood. So yes, in your eyes, I have been twenty-five for quite some time, but I assure you that I went through adolescence just like you. I grew up in a bad neighborhood, even by Hell's standards. I had bad acne and I was chubby. My scores in school were terrible. But look at me now! I didn't let teenage despair affect me!" he finished this speech by striking an inspiring poes. Ciel looked up at his butler with huge, sparkling eyes.

"Amazing... I guess I've been a bit of an idiot, haven't I?" he mumbled. "I had no idea that your youth was so difficult, Sebastian."

"Well, it was _nothing_ compared to what you had gone through by the time you were ten," Sebastian replied truthfully. "But try to think about other things that are more worthy of your angst. Your hatred of petty things is not one of those things." Sebastian swept out of the room. Hopefully that had worked...

The next day Ciel came downstairs sans house-coat and eyeliner. "Good morning," he said to his surprised servants. "Can I have a cup of tea?"

"You certainly can," Sebastian replied, pouring the tea quickly. As Ciel sipped his drink, Maylene pulled Sebastian off to the side.

"Amazing," she whispered. "How did you do it?"

"I'm just one hell of a butler."

End


	5. Age 17: Mr Popularity

Age 17: Mr. Popularity

In his time serving the young Earl of Phantomhive, Sebastian had dealt with some pretty strange stuff. Hounds from hell, being targeted by the mafia, a curry contest... all of that stuff he could handle. But what caught him off-guard was the amount of young women who seemed to blush and stammer whenever Ciel's name came up in conversation. Case in point: Abigail Green, the tailor's gloomy daughter. The young woman seemed to bring a perpetual miasma of doom and despair wherever she went, and she usually spoke in monosyllables. But when Sebastian stepped into the shop one day to pick up a pair of Ciel's pants (they had been altered), Abigail suddenly became _extremely_ animated.

"Is the Earl coming in today?" she asked, pushing her hair out of her eyes. Sebastian shook his head.

"He is attending to business matters this afternoon," he replied politely. "Is there something that you need to tell him, miss?" Abigail blushed furiously, and fidgeted. Finally, she reached under the counter and removed a package wrapped in newspaper. She averted her gaze for a moment, and for a second, Sebastian could see the old gloominess he associated with the girl return.

"Please give this to Earl Phantomhive as a token of my appreciation," she said. "It's free of charge, don't worry."

"Thank you," Sebastian answered smoothly. "Abigail blushed and hurried away, leaving a rather confused Sebastian with the package.

* * *

"Um, Bard?" the butler asked when he got home and realized that the kitchen was filled with fresh bread. "While I appreciate the effort, I don't think we can eat all of this bread."

"I didn't bake it," Bard replied darkly.

"Well, this bread had to come from _somewhere_," Sebastian maintained. Bard nodded.

"You know that bakery that the young master likes to get pecan rolls from occasionally?" he asked.

"Yes..." Sebastian replied, not really seeing the connection.

"Well, the owner has a daughter that is the same age as the young master. She showed up this morning with an entire carriage full of this stuff, saying it was a present. Now I don't know what to do with it!"

"That's strange," Sebastian said. "Because today Abigail Green gave me a package saying pretty much the same thing."

"You mean the creepy girl?" Bard asked incredulously.

"The same," Sebastian confirmed.

"What is it? How do you know that it's not a trap or something?" Bard asked. "I wouldn't put it past that girl to try to do something to the young master!"

"I doubt that is the case," Sebastian replied. "But to be safe, we will open it here." He tore off the newspaper, revealing a box. With a little bit of trepidation, he removed the lid.

"My god," Bard breathed. "It's... amazing." Sebastian lifted an extremely well-made charcoal gray suit-jacket out of the box. The demon could tell with one glance that it would fit Ciel perfectly. "How much do you think that would cost?"

"At least £200," Sebastian answered, just as awestruck as Bard, although he was better at hiding it. Bard let out a low whistle.

"She must really hope to get something big in return," he said. Sebastian nodded wordlessly. The cook continued- "What do you think her motivation is?"

"Isn't it obvious?" a female voice interrupted.

"Maylene! Don't creep about like that- are you trying to give us all a heart attack?" The maid ignored Bard, and continued:

"She's in love. That's why she made such an expensive gift!"

"She can't be in love with him," Sebastian stated, matter-of-fact.

"Oh? And why not?" Maylene asked. "The young master is an attractive young man. He holds a lot of power. He's wealthy. Many girls would consider him to be their dream man." She finished this little explanation with a confident nod of her head.

"She can't be in love with him." Sebastian stuck to his convictions. "The young master is engaged!"

"As though that's ever stopped a woman in love," Maylene snorted. "Don't you remember the case of Lord MacGregor last year?" Sebastian winced- polite society had been shocked by the 25-year-old Scottish nobleman's elopement with his 40-year-old laundress even though he was engaged to a young woman of noble blood. "That laundress didn't care that Lord MacGregor already had a fiancee! She never gave up on her dreams, and look how things turned out! She's now Lady MacGregor, and I've heard that the two of them have never been happier. Although it probably that Lord MacGregor has no living relatives to object to the marriage..." Maylene looked blankly off into the space for a moment. "So you see, current relationship status doesn't matter to people in love." Sebastian stood up suddenly. "Are you alright, Sebastian?"

"I won't allow it," he said. "The young master has agreed to marry Lady Elizabeth. A gentleman doesn't go back on his word when it comes to something like that!"

"Although," Bard mused, "Abigail Green might be a better match for the young master. They have the same type of personality, you know?"

"Not you too!" Sebastian exclaimed. "Don't you know that men could keep their promises, and not break them for stupid reasons!"

"You're surprisingly old-fashioned in your way of thinking about this type of thing, Sebastian," Maylene replied. Sebastian didn't even dignify that with a response.

If you asked him, this posed an enormous problem. Humans were unpredictable. It was at times like these that Sebastian longed to go back home. Demons were generally respectful of boundaries in relationships. And on the occasion that disputes over a mate arose, the matter would be settled quickly. But human relationships were different- in his thousands of years of life, Sebastian had seen his masters' lives unravel around these matters. In fact, one man he had contracted to voided the contracted before it was complete. He begged Sebastian to take his soul then and there, to free himself from his romantic difficulties.

It was at that moment that Sebastian decided that he would intervene. He would tell Ciel that he had to make a choice, and if he wished to end his engagement to Lizzie he would have to do it honorably. Although he hoped it didn't come to that...

* * *

When Sebastian entered Ciel's study, the teenager looked up from his paperwork. "About time," he said. "I was beginning to wonder if you had gotten lost. Did you get my pants?"

"Yes," Sebastian replied. "Also, Abigail Green asked me to give you a gift from her." The butler held out the suit-jacket for Ciel to examine. Much to Sebastian's surprise, Ciel smiled.

"So that's what she meant by 'thank-you gift,'" he said. "She didn't have to do that."

"What do you mean?" Sebastian asked.

"Two weeks ago, I spent the entire afternoon with Miss Green," Ciel replied. "She said she wanted to give me a gift to thank me, but I didn't think she would go that far."

"What do you mean, you spent the entire afternoon with her? Young master, what is the meaning of this? Have you forgotten that you have a fiancee?" Sebastian exclaimed. "Are you _trying_ to cause a scandal?"

"I think you're the one confused here," Ciel replied, somewhat irritably. "I spent the whole afternoon with Miss Green that day because she wanted to ask me about the best way to approach Prince Soma. It's not _me_ she's in love with! Was that what you were worried about?"

"But, but," Sebastian kept going. "What about all of that bread, from the bakery girl?"

"That wasn't for me either, you dimwitted demon!" Ciel snapped. "You probably haven't noticed, but Finny has taken a recent liking to hot cross buns. Why do you think that is?"

"...Finny?" Sebastian finally said.

"Yes," Ciel stated. "Finny. Not that you probably would know this, but he and the bakery girl have been talking about marriage! That is what all that bread was about! It was delicious though." He laughed at the astonished look on Sebastian's face. "Honestly, Sebastian, you must think I'm some kind of amazing lover or something! As though I could keep three girls interested in me... it's difficult enough dealing with _one_!"

End

Author's Comments:

I thought I would never get this done. I honestly wasn't sure how to end it, or even keep it K+ or less. What _was_ with that bread? It was difficult.

And believe it or not, there's one more oneshot for this collection. But I'm going to keep writing for this series... in fact, I have another crack fic in the works, as well as a more serious story with a twist.

If you celebrate Thanksgiving, then Happy Thanksgiving! For everyone else, happy Thursday! :D

Edit: Thank you to Female Heero Yuy for pointing out a mistake.

-Kaboom


	6. Age 18 The Responsible Adulthood Paradox

Age 18: The Responsible Adulthood Paradox

Ciel had always been one to take his job seriously, but since he turned eighteen he seemed to be taking it to extremes. When he was busy doing work, no one, not even Sebastian, was to bother him. When he finished with his work, he would retire to his personal rooms and read newspapers or financial journals. Once he was done with that, he would have a light snack of some kind of healthy food, no sweets. Then he would go back to work.

On the rare occasion that he did decide to engage with someone other than a business contact, Ciel would try to keep the meeting as brief as possible. Meetings with delivery-people, Lizzie, his servants... all were kept to a minimum. And the whole business was worrisome to Sebastian.

"Are you sure he won't eat anything sweet?" he asked Bard. The cook was busy preparing that afternoon's snack of cooked, buttered carrots. The cook shook his head.

"He said he didn't want to poison himself with unhealthy food," he replied. "It's strange- before he could eat an entire cake in one sitting! But now if I even walk by his office with a plate of something sweet he'll threaten to fire me!"

"I'm very worried," Sebastian confided. "He never was a normal child, but now he's well on the way to becoming a troubled adult. This sudden change in behavior- it wouldn't bode well in a normal person, much less in someone like the young master."

"I agree with you," Bard replied. "But I honestly don't know what to do. So I will continue to do as I am ordered."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Lady Elizabeth," Sebastian said, sighing. The young woman was arriving at the mansion nearly every day, desperate to see Ciel. "The young master does not wish to take any visitors today."

"Why not?" Elizabeth demanded. "He _never _wants to see me any more! Has he taken a lover? Is that why he won't see me?" Sebastian nearly snorted. Ciel? Take a lover? Hardly.

"No, he has not," the demon butler replied politely. "If you must know, he has locked himself up saying he needs to do paperwork. He won't even let the staff see him. So you are not alone in him not wanting to see you- why I've barely seen him at all for the past three days!" Lizzie seemed placated.

"If he won't even see you then something _must_ be wrong!" she exclaimed. "Is he ill? I hope he is not ill!"

"The young master has not given any indication that he is unwell," Sebastian said. Although he couldn't pretend that the thought hadn't crossed his mind. Ciel's strange behavior was worrying, not only on a psychological level. Sebastian knew that when humans fell ill, they could sometimes manifest their symptoms strangely. "I will let him know you stopped by, alright?" Elizabeth nodded, trusting Sebastian. He would see to Ciel, she was sure of it.

* * *

Ciel sighed, shuffling paperwork around on his desk. He _really_ didn't want to meet with that strange American businessman, but he knew that if the two companies agreed to work together it would be beneficial to Funtom. He would do whatever it took to further his business, even if he had to listen to Mr. Smith's near-nonstop discussion of something called "football." Ciel found it difficult to feign interest in something he had no idea as to what it was. But before that meeting, he still had a bit of time, so he decided to relax.

He stepped out from behind the desk and walked over to his large, overstuffed armchair. He picked up the copy of the _London Examiner_ that was sitting there, and began to read. As he had suspected, nothing but bad news. A few minutes later, a knock on the door jolted the young adult out of his thoughts.

"Young master?" he heard Bard call. "I have your snack..." Quickly, Ciel crossed the room and opened the door. Bard proudly presented him with a large bowl of cooked carrots on a silver tray. "I boiled these just now... just like you requested, there's minimal salt."

"Thanks," Ciel said, taking the plate. "You may go now." The cook exited, and Ciel took the snack to his desk. Well. This was depressing.

The truth was, he didn't want to give up sweet things at all. But in Ciel's mind, the image of a responsible adult was one who abstained from potentially harmful things- sweets included. Besides, sweet things had a reputation for being food for women and children, not for men. Even so, he was sick to death of these boring snacks. He would kill for a piece of cake, a candy, even a piece of bread with some lemon curd on it! But he felt that he had no choice- if he was going to be a productive adult, he was going to have to put up with this...

* * *

The meeting went better than Ciel thought it would. Mr. Smith filled out the paperwork quickly, and with minimal discussion. Ciel was glad of that- he wanted to go back and finish reading the newspaper. When he finally went back to his rooms, he realized that he was not alone.

"Sebastian, what do you want?" the young adult asked.

"Young master." Sebastian purposely avoided answering Ciel's question. "Young master, I am worried about you. We all are. I understand you've been refusing to see Lady Elizabeth. Why is that?"

"Because I'm not ready to be married yet," Ciel replied simply. "I- if I see her again, I will feel compelled to marry her right away, and I don't want that. Besides, I want the company to be in a more stable position before I marry her."

"But the company is doing the best it has in four years!" Sebastian exclaimed, surprised.

"I don't care." Ciel was obstinate. "It's not stable enough. I can't take a wife now! What if she got pregnant? I am not ready to support a child! Sebastian- my child! I can't do that."

"So that's what this is about," the demon replied. "You're afraid of being a parent." Ciel hung his head, ashamed.

"It's so stupid," he finally said after a pause. "I've done everything I can to prepare for that- I'm working harder than I have in ages. I'm trying to get the company to a point that when... when I'm gone, if I have a child, it will be something worth inheriting. I want to be able to keep Lizzie happy."

"Well, that explains all the work," Sebastian said. "But why have you stopped eating your favorite foods?"

"I don't want to set a bad example," Ciel replied simply. At that, Sebastian simply howled with laughter.

"What's not healthy is denying yourself your favorite foods!" he chortled. "Yes, everything in moderation, you know. Too many sweets isn't good for your health. But neither is forcing yourself to eat things you dislike nonstop!"

"But that's what being responsible is!" Ciel shouted. "If I have to deny myself something for the best, then I'll do it!" Sebastian just shook his head.

"Young master. I know what this is about." He was about to say something else, but Ciel slammed a hand down on the desk.

"Of course you don't know what this is about!" he hollered. "You're a damned demon! You don't know anything! What makes you think you could even begin to understand my motivations? You've never had to think about things like this in your life!" Sebastian was taken aback, but not too surprised. He could sort of understand his young master's anger.

"I do know what you mean," he said calmly. "You don't want anyone else to go through what you did." Ciel stopped in his tracks. Sebastian could tell by the look on the young man's face that he had hit the nail on the head. "Young master, there is more to being a responsible adult then just working yourself to the point of exhaustion and denying yourself enjoyable things. You have to show that there is something more to your life. You have to care about those around you. I might not know what this is like personally, but I've been alive a lot longer than you have, and I've seen generations of people mature and struggle with the same things you are. Stop thinking about how to best keep the company running. Stop worrying about the future for one day. Try it, and see how it feels." Ciel nodded.

"You're probably right," he muttered.

"I don't lie," Sebastian said. "I know what I'm talking about. Why don't you go pay a visit to Lady Elizabeth tomorrow? No one is saying you have to make a decision right away. She's very worried about you, you know. Just let her know that you are still among the living."

"I will," Ciel promised. Sebastian looked contemplative for a moment, and then said,

"You might think that because you are now an adult the difficulties of adolescence are behind you. That is true. But you must understand that there will still be life challenges ahead of you- adulthood is a whole different landscape."

_**End- Ciel: The Teenage Years **_

Author's Comments:

This final chapter ended up being a lot more serious than the other ones, but I think it's fine that way. This chapter is somewhat based off of real events, and somewhat not. If I went into more detail here, this author's note would end up being the same size as the rest of the story, but suffice to say that I learned that the road to adulthood is difficult, and it doesn't get much better once you finally get there.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it! I really enjoyed coming up with crazy scenarios for a teenaged Ciel to get involved with. I had fun writing the little blurbs about Sebastian's past

Thank you very much to everyone who read, and to eveeryone who reviewed! I hope to see you soon!

-GoesKaboom 12.9.2009


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